Burning, Leaking, Celebrating

About a week ago I was in my office at work and on the phone.  I had recently begun to feel an odd "coming and going" sensation in my bladder that I can best describe as the feeling of someone firmly pushing on the inside of my abdomen with a dead porcupine.  The pressure on my bladder felt prickly and strong for about 10 seconds, and then would go away.

This sensation was happening with more and more frequency during one specific phone call, and it got to the point where I was really sure my bladder was full and I needed to go pee.  As I finally got off the phone and started walking towards the bathroom, I felt the unmistakable tickle of something dripping down my leg.  Then again, everything is mistakable when you have nerve damage....so I didn't really trust the sensation of pee on my leg.

Then I looked down.

It appeared as though someone has spilled a full glass of water in my lap.  Yep, I peed my pants.  Big time.

I burst into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet, and a couple of additional ounces of pee trickled out involuntary.  It just came out.  You know, like a normal person.  Only I had no say over making it stop...or start again.  It just did what it pleases......like my entire bladder system has its own personality.

But, WOW!  I peed without having to push like crazy to force it out!  

So I cleaned myself up as best I could, walked back to the office and told Erin (our Duluth office manager) "sorry, this is gross but great......look at my pants.  I peed in them!  I peed my pants!  Pee came out on its own!  High five!  Also, I did wash my hands."

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The past week has been filled with some significant breakthroughs from a nerve/pee perspective.  Since that day last week, the "burning pressure with needles" sensation has become more intense and more frequent.  Through my own analysis, I've discovered that sometimes the sensation means I have to pee, and other times not.  There's not a ton of rhyme or reason to it.  That being said, at least a few times in each of the last few days I've sat down on the toilet, waited, and then a few dribbles of pee come out.  

I am so thankful.  It burns a lot (pins, needles, and fire in your genitals...enough said.).  It's a little inconvenient because I have to constantly check to see if I'm leaking and/or filling up a pad.  And it means those nerves are starting to wake up.

Thank you for your prayer.  Thank you, Lord.  I love my life.